– Heaven Calling
In Reply To
I had planned on all last week reading in my devotional books, Bible and coming back with five or more blog post. I came back with one written and hardly anything read but I thought about where I was in my faith and where I wanted to be in a few months. I got a chance to break away from all the stress in my life, reconnect with my husband, kids and great friends and just to clear my mind. Maybe that’s what God had planned for me so that he could open my eyes to what it was that is really taking me under and keeping me from being totally committed to him the way he needs me to be in order to use me for his purpose. On the route I was going, I wasn’t any good to anyone including myself!
Tonight, I picked up my good old faithfull book, ‘The Resolution for Women’. For some reason I have a hard time keeping up with where I last left off at so I find myself flipping through the last chapter I’d underline things in and pick with the next chapter. But, for some reason tonight, I reread the chapter name ‘Divine Appointments.’ It never fails lately when I have missed church, bible school, Wednesday nights or reading, I feel so alone and distant from everyone, most importantly God. The Bible verse, the author opens up with is out of Psalm 27:8
My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.” And my heart responds. “Lord, I am coming.”
Oh, Lord, I’m here! So powerful to read that verses when you feel alone. In the NIV version it states it this way: My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, Lord, I will seek.
As I grow in my faith and listen to my heart, I notice that when I’m at my most unsettling times and I feel alone, it’s when I’m not crying out to God to lead me out. Instead, I’m trying to pull myself out. To be faithfully his, I have to lean into his voice, live with Heaven’s purpose in view and Heaven’s whisper in my soul.
Heaven’s whisper? As a mother of twin girls, I know what a whisper is supposed to sound like and what 4 yr old girls thinks a whisper sounds like! I wish God’s whisper was more like a 4 yr old’s is whisper at times but I’m thankful he does whisper to me and I hear it (not always but my hearing is getting better with his whispers). The author uses Moses as her example of how he might not have seemed faithful but was. She says in her book how he seemed to have all kinds of problems in the execution of God’s plan he still held tight to the calling God had on his life.
‘Even in the noisy wind tunnel of guilt and regret, even with loud music inviting him to dance with the decadent, he could still catch the faint whisper of Heaven compelling him to forsake temporary feelings and pursuits for the sake of God’s will. And herein lies what separated him and his people from all others. He was not perfect, but he was purposeful. He wasn’t without mistake, but he was marked by God’s presence.’ The Resolution for Women pg 71 (Good old faithful)
All last week, I had a chance to think about what I thought my purpose was in life and prayed about God’s purpose for my life. I’m not perfect at anything I do but I do try when I have the energy. My heart is my children and everyone elses but lately you couldn’t tell I enjoy it because of being bogged down with the daily stress of being torn between work, kids, life, my wife duties and my momma duties and let’s not forget what society thinks a woman should look like and be able to do! At the end of April, I made the decision to get out of Awana’s and try my hand at the youth because our oldest is in youth and he was at the age where he needs guidance and parental contact. After all, I only have him for 5 more years at home. I have always been stand offish to the youth age because I didn’t get to experience my youth the way normal teenagers did. My parents were very strict and sheltered me just as I’m going to do with my daughters. Maybe not as strict and sheltered, but close. For the past few months, I have felt a little lost finding a place to fit in at church. We had Vacation Bible School. For the first time in three or four years, I didn’t participate. My kids did but I didn’t. The next week, the youth went up to the mountains on a mission trip to put on a Vacation Bible school up there for children that wouldn’t have it otherwise. Jon took Hunter and I stayed behind because of work and our younger children were doing Music camp at church. I have helped out twice with the youth girls Sunday school and I liked it. Because of vacation last week, I missed the last two Sunday mornings. It seems like I’m missing a lot of great opportunities to serve in each age group! That bothers me so I turned it over to God to help me get through.
I go onto read in my old faithful about ‘Heaven Calling.’ I really would rather put it in my own words but she words it so well. So here is the last piece from the book.
‘It’s the call of the faithful. You and me. To fix our eyes on Him and His plans for us, and then--- with the empowerment of the Spirit----to go about achieving them in our various relationships and endeavors.’
I’m in constant prayer that he will lead me in his plans for me and that he gives me the strength to move past people, earthly wants, finances and outside obstacles that might and will stand in my way. I know that what God wants me to do will bring me happiness because I will be serving him and not myself. My focus has to be on him and I have faith that he will take care of the rest. My Heaven Calling will keep me feeling a bit unsettled, sensing an internal ache I can’t quite shake until it moves me in his direction of serving his purpose for my life, not my own. That’s Heaven Calling.
We had our first vacation of the year this past week. It was supposed to be our second vacation but because God has his hands on my oldest son, Hunter, it ended up being our very first for the summer. His timing was perfect the night before our huge Disney trip when Hunter had to have emergency surgery. Now the next day after our return I’ve been battling with unsettling feelings. Nothing unparticular, just female emotions I chalk it up to. Summer vacation for the kids will be ending this week and the twins will start K-4 :( and Braydon will start middle school. Three of our kids are hitting milestones in their lives this week. Next year will make both Jon and I feel really old because Hunter will start HIGH SCHOOL! AHHH!